is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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