I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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