I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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