I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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