First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
