So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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