he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
