He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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