It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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