was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Damn victory sex feels great
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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