wake up i wanna do it froggy style
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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