so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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