ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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