and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sext me about skeletons
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
