I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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