i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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