I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
