Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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