epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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