and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
