What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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