I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
