He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
