This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
