I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
