I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
