grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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