i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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