Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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