Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
