my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize