battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
