turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
