Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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