Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
