Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
