i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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