i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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