Can Purell be used as lube?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
