Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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