I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So many bounce houses so little time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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