Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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