You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
