TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
