Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
