I don't think brook has ever known best
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
