My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
