when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize