Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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