Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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