my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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