So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He passed out mid-signature
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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