I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize