a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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