So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
