god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The power of my boobs compel you
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
