I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
