We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
