guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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