But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's always time for handjobs
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
