im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
