I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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