had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize