it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Drake has all the answers
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
