THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
