looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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