I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
