Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
