so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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