Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize