Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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