well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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