eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
