In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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