Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
