This is not my ceiling
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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