I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
