margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
