with your own penis?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
