I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
