last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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