Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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