It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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