I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
