every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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