They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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