Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
