I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
