I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize