i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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