We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
