my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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