roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
