You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
