I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
