so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
