I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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