I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize