I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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